Understanding āFeeling Memoriesā: Why the Past Feels Like the Present
Why Do I Feel This Way? Understanding āFeeling Memoriesā and Trauma
Have you ever experienced a sudden, overwhelming wave of anxiety, shame, or dread that seemed to come out of nowhere?
Perhaps you were simply making a cup of tea or walking through a supermarket when your heart began to race, or a heavy sense of hopelessness settled in your chest. When we look around, there is often no obvious reason for such a visceral reaction.
In the UK, we often fall into the trap of telling ourselves to ākeep calm and carry onā, or we dismiss our feelings as being āover-sensitiveā. However, there is a profound biological reason for these experiences. In the work of world-renowned trauma expert Dr Janina Fisher, these are known as āfeeling memoriesā.
What is a āFeeling Memoryā?
Most of us think of memory as a storyāa mental āvideo clipā of something that happened years ago. In psychology, this is called explicit memory.
However, when we undergo overwhelming or traumatic experiences, the brain often struggles to file that event away as a tidy narrative. Instead, the trauma is stored as implicit memory. These are fragments of the pastāemotions, physical sensations, and survival urgesāthat remain āliveā in our nervous system.
A feeling memory doesn't say, āI remember feeling scared ten years ago.ā It simply tells your body, āI am in danger right now.ā
The Science of Implicit Memory: Why It Feels So Real
Because these memories are deeply encoded in the body and the āemotionalā brain (the limbic system which develops far earlier that the pre-frontal cortex that allows us to mature), they bypass our logical thinking. These are often referred to as body memories.
When they are triggered by a certain smell, a tone of voice, or even a particular time of year, they donāt feel like a memory at all; they feel like a current reality. This is because implicit memories are triggered rather than recalled at will.
Common signs of a feeling memory include:
Sudden physical shifts: A change in posture, muscle tension, or a āknotā in the stomach.
Disproportionate emotions: Intense panic or shame that feels ātoo bigā for the current situation.
Regression: A temporary feeling of being āsmallā, vulnerable, or child-like.
Survival impulses: The sudden urge to run away, hide, or āshut downā (dissociate).
How to Manage Emotional Triggers
The most powerful tool Dr Fisher suggests for navigating these moments is mindful curiosity.
Instead of asking āWhat is wrong with me?ā, try to notice the sensation and say to yourself: āThis is a feeling memory. It is a reaction from the past, even though it feels like itās happening now.ā
By naming the experience, you begin to move from reliving the trauma to observing it. This creates what therapists call ādual awarenessāāthe ability to be aware of the past's influence while staying anchored in the present. It is the first vital step towards calming the nervous system and reclaiming your sense of self.
Note from Grazyna: this blog post is inspired by dr J. Fisher's training I am currently doing via Pesi.co.uk. Dr Fisher has written extensively on the subject including practical resources for trauma survivors.
Image: Photo by Luke Jones on Unsplash
š One & Done? Unlocking Your Breakthrough with Single-Session Therapy (SST)
š Fancy a Fresh Start? Let's Talk Focus!
Hello there! If you're reading this, chances are you've got something on your mind. A niggle, a tough decision, a bit of a wobble you'd like to sort out. And perhaps, just perhaps, the thought of therapy feels a bitā¦ long. A commitment youāre not quite ready for right now.
Well, what if I told you that meaningful change doesn't always need a long-term roadmap? Welcome to the world of Single-Session Therapy (SST), or as some (including myself!) like to call it, ONEpus Therapy. It's all about getting really, really focused to help you move forward.
I'm Grazyna, a psychotherapist who's had the privilege of training directly with Professor Windy Dryden, one of the UKās leading proponents of this incredibly efficient approach. My learning journey has included a live workshop and online resources, all dedicated to making therapy truly accessible and impactful, right when you need it.
So, What's the Big Idea Behind SST?
Professor Dryden stresses that SST isn't another modality of therapy; it's a mindset. Think of it as a finely tuned Swiss Army knife for your mind ā designed to cut through the noise and get to the heart of one specific thing you want to address. It's about giving you help precisely at the point of need, skipping the queue.
His research-backed insights are fascinating. He points out that for many people, attendance tends to drop off after the first session. So, why not make that first session as powerful and purposeful as humanly possible for both of us? It makes perfect sense to optimise that one-off encounter to the very best of our abilities, doesn't it?
And a rather reassuring claim from Professor Dryden: a very high percentage of people who have had this focused "ONEplus therapy" experience are genuinely satisfied with the help they receive for that burning issue. The best part? The door doesn't clang shut after your single session. The "1+" means you're always welcome to return for more support, should you choose. Youāre in the driverās seat.
š§ Your 3-Step Journey to Clarity
My approach to SST, directly inspired by Professor Dryden's wisdom, involves three well-structured steps. Itās a bit like having a clear itinerary for a focused trip, ensuring we make the most of our time together.
Step 1: The Prep Task (Your Questionnaire)
Before we even meet, thereās a little bit of groundwork. Youāll receive a short, thoughtful questionnaire. This isn't just admin; it's your chance to really hone in on what you want to achieve. What's that specific issue? What would you like to be different?
Your mission: To give it good thought, complete it honestly, and send it back to me within 48 hours of our scheduled session. This helps us both arrive fully prepared to hit the ground running.
Step 2: The Deep Dive (Your Session)
This is where the magic happens! Our session duration is usually up to 50 minutes. Itās a very focused conversation, driven by the insights from your questionnaire. We won't be meandering through your entire life story (unless it's directly relevant to the specific issue weāre tackling).
My mindset here? Iām not assessing; Iām helping you plan for action. We'll clarify your specific problem, define a realistic goal for the session, and explore potential solutions. Sometimes, we might even practice a new communication pattern or rehearse a tricky conversation right there and then! You'll be asked to summarise your key takeaways ā this really helps solidify your learning.
Step 3: The Follow-Up (A Gentle Check-In)
This is a crucial element of the "1+" in ONEplus Therapy! A couple of weeks later, or at an agreed point after our session, Iāll follow up with a brief phone call.
What's the chat about?
How are you doing?
Have you had a chance to implement any plans we drew together?
Are you feeling galvanised, or perhaps a little stuck again?
Do you feel you need any further help? And if so, how might that look?
The timing of this follow-up is a delicate dance: long enough for you to actually do something with our plan, but short enough to keep that momentum going!
ā Is SST Your Cup of Tea? The Most Conducive Goals & Client Mindset
So, who thrives in SST? It's generally fantastic for those moments when you're ready to tackle a specific challenge head-on. Professor Dryden frames the goals beautifully, dividing them into Outcome and Process.
Outcome Goals (What you'll get out of it):
Becoming Unstuck: That feeling of being in a rut? SST can often provide the fresh perspective needed to dislodge you.
Taking a Few Steps Forward: Sometimes, all you need is a clear first few steps, and you can travel the rest of the journey under your own steam.
Process Goals (What you'll do in the session):
Addressing a Specific Issue: Got a particular problem? Letās put it on the table.
Exploring an Issue: A safe space to truly think about and explore what's bothering you.
Expressing Feelings: An opportunity to voice emotions about an issue without judgment.
Ideal Client Characteristics (If this sounds like you, high five!):
Ready to Act NOW: You're keen to take care of your problem and feel ready for change.
Open-Minded & Realistic: You believe something meaningful can come out of a single session, while being realistic about what one session can achieve.
Laser Focus: You're willing to zero in on one particular, selected problem.
Responsibility Taker: You're prepared to take responsibility and work with me to address it.
Solution-Oriented: You're keen to explore available solutions, select the most viable one, and appreciate your own strengths and available resources.
SST shines brightly for situations like:
Making a Decision: Big or small, sometimes just talking it through with an objective ear is all you need.
Considering a Dilemma: Untangling the knot from different angles.
Simply Being Heard: Sometimes, the greatest gift is just having someone properly listen.
Needing a "Booster": If you've had therapy before and just need to revisit a specific strategy or insight.
Clarifying Your Next Steps: Even if your issue is complex, SST can help you decide what kind of longer-term support you truly need.
š ļø My Role: Your Co-Pilot in the Session
My mindset as your therapist in an SST session is all about collaboration and empowerment. I'm here to help you plan for action, promote practising new approaches (if feasible), and ensure we're solution-focused, unless the primary goal is simply for you to be deeply heard.
I won't take anything for granted ā you're the expert on your life! Weāll negotiate the end-of-session goal together, making sure it differentiates from any potential 'end of therapy' altogether.
The session will have a clear structure. We'll elicit your strengths and previous attempts at solving the problem ā what worked, what didn't? Iāll encourage you to generalise from your learnings; how might that solution or insight transfer to other areas of your life?
Crucially, results are mainly achieved outside of the session. My job is to ensure you leave with a better perspective, feeling galvanised and equipped for the real world. This isn't an assessment session; it's a complete, focused piece of work.
The "Readiness to Change" Checklist:
For SST to truly sing, we're looking for these four components of your readiness to change:
Knowing What to Change: A clear idea of the specific issue.
Commitment: Having a good, solid reason to make that change.
Taking Action: Willingness to put in the work.
Tolerating Costs: Being prepared for any potential discomfort or challenges involved in changing.
š Ready for Your Breakthrough? Let's Connect!
The beauty of SST, championed by Professor Dryden and something Iām passionate about, is its commitment to providing help at the point of need. It's an empowering, flexible, and often incredibly effective way to get unstuck, gain clarity, and take meaningful steps forward.
If youāre facing a specific challenge and feel ready to roll up your sleeves for a focused, powerful session, then Single-Session Therapy might just be exactly what you need. It could be the perfect "one and done" solution, or it could be the very best "one plus" start to a longer journey ā the choice, of course, is always yours.
Ready to formulate those realistic expectations and see how a constructive processing of your issue can lead to a solution? Letās chat!
š§ AI in Therapy: Cool Tool or Missing Something Human?
The Private Counselling Perspective
Worried about using AI for mental health support? Discover why the mind-body connection and the human element in private counselling are irreplaceable for deep healing.
Hey everyone! Let's talk about something that's popping up everywhere: Artificial Intelligence (AI). From helping with homework to driving cars, AI is changing our world. But what about therapy? Can a computer really help us with our mental well-being?
Itās a big question, and my take is this: AI can be a useful sidekick, but it's no replacement for a real, live human therapist. This is especially true in the setting of professional private counselling, where true presence matters most. Hereās why.
The Irreplaceable Mind-Body Connection in Therapy šāāļøā¤ļø
Think about it: we're not just floating brains. We're physical beings! Our bodies are HUGE in how we learn, connect, and even heal.
Emotions Start Here: Beyond the Brain
Before you even think "I'm stressed" or "I feel intense anxiety," your body probably sends signals ā a tight stomach, a racing heart. These sensations are your body talking! In a session with a human therapist, we pay attention to these unspoken physical cues.
Presence and Genuine Connection
Remember how babies need skin-to-skin contact? How a hug from a friend can instantly make you feel better? That's our body's need for connection. In a professional therapeutic setting, however, physical contact is generally not a routine part of the process. Any non-verbal acceptance happens through a therapist's full presence and careful observation. If touch is ever considered, it only happens within a long-standing, secure professional relationship with clear, established boundaries. Being "fully seen" by someone is mostly about your whole presence being accepted. This essential human resonance is unavailable in AI mental health tools.
Building You Up: Holistic Wellness
Eating well, moving your body, breathing deeply ā these aren't just good habits. They help build new pathways in your brain, helping you stay safe, learn, and grow. This focus on mind-body wellness is central to my work as a private counsellor.
AI, for all its smarts, doesn't have a body. It can't feel a hug, sense your fidgeting, or even truly understand the subtle sigh you make. That physical, unspoken connection? That's purely human.
Where AI Can Shine: Support for Counselling Techniques āØ
But let's not totally ditch AI! It has some serious strengths as a tool. Think of it like a really smart textbook or a super organized personal assistant for online therapy support.
AI can be great for:
CBT Hacks: If you're using Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), AI can help you spot tricky thought patterns, suggest journaling prompts, or give you examples of how to challenge negative thinking.
Explaining the "Why": Ever wonder about a therapy concept like "attachment styles" or "defence mechanisms"? AI can break down complex ideas from different theories and give you examples that make sense.
New Perspectives: AI could help you look at a problem from a specific theoretical angle ā like, "What would Transactional Analysis say about this argument I had?"
The AI Limit: Why Only a Human Therapist Can Offer True Healing š¤
Here's the crucial bit: AI is just a really clever algorithm. It's been trained on mountains of words and patterns to predict what word should come next.
No Feelings, No Cognition: It doesn't think or feel in the way we do. It doesn't have life experience, empathy, or a gut feelingāqualities essential for effective psychotherapy.
The "Hallucination" Factor: Sometimes, AI can even make things up ā sounding totally convincing but being completely false. That's a risk when you're talking about sensitive personal issues!
The Bottom Line: Human Connection for Mental Health Wins š
So, while AI can be an amazing resource for learning, exploring ideas, and supporting certain therapeutic tasks, it truly supplements ā it doesn't replace.
For the deep connection, the understanding that comes from shared human experience, and the safety of being truly seen (body and all!), a real person is still exactly what we need. It's about combining the best of human care with smart technology, knowing that the heart of healing is always human.
Ready for the Human Touch in Counselling?
If you're looking for genuine, evidence-based private counselling that integrates the wisdom of your body and mind, I am here to help. My practice offers specialized support for issues like stress and anxiety, and more, in Manchester and online.
Business hours
Monday, F2F, 15:00 to 21:00 at Bodywise, M4 1DZ
Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, online: 07:00 to 20:00
Friday, online: 09:00 to 15:00