1. Admit You’re a Mess
Confess your flaws under stage lighting while a trapdoor tests your sincerity.

2. Find Something Bigger Than You
Spin the "Higher Power" Wheel—your salvation could be God, a barista, or a motivational Instagram account.

3. Surrender Creatively
Sign a legally binding contract with your Higher Power. There’s glitter. And a notary puppet.

4. Expose Your Inventory (Literally)
List every flaw and regret while wearing an embarrassing costume that “reflects your true self.”

5. Apologize to a Stranger
Confess one terrible secret to a person in the cafeteria line. They grade your honesty on a laminated card.

6. Purge the Defects (or Try)
Attend a “Character Defect Parade” where you march your worst traits around like show dogs.

7. Beg, Humbly-ish
Ask your Higher Power to remove your flaws—via voicemail. You only get one try.

8. Name the Blame
List all the people you’ve hurt. Now guess what their biggest issue with you was. Wrong answers get buzzed.

9. Amends or Else
Make amends… by reenacting your worst moments in group therapy theater. Bonus points for tears.

10. Keep Score
Carry a mini clipboard and document every moral failing. Submit your weekly sin report to Cheryl.

11. Meditate Loudly
Join daily “Mindfulness Karaoke,” where you sing your affirmations to power ballads.

12. Spread the Weirdness
Recruit a new member to Serious Recovery™. You’re not clean until someone else is slightly more broken.